


I'm Still Alive

by GeeBrittany



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Manipulation, Multi, Multiple Worlds, Multiverse Theory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 03:48:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5149151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeeBrittany/pseuds/GeeBrittany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beatrice Anderson has never been one to back down easily. After dropping Acid at a party and being carried off to Neverland by The Shadow, she meets Peter Pan, who seems to have more planned for her than she's willing to give. Rule number one of Bea Anderson: never show fear or pain, may just be the one the helps her survive Neverland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Euphoria. That was the only word for it, really. The word for the sensation clouding my drug-addled brain, tracing over my goose-bumped skin, and weighing down my heavy tongue. Euphoria.

I was barely aware that my mouth had fallen open at some point in the time that I had been sitting limply against the cracked wall. A small laugh wisped through my dry lips as I stared, transfixed at the bright shapes and patterns that flew around the room before my eyes. I don’t know exactly how long I had been sitting in the dingy lounge room – it could have been minutes, or it could have been hours – all that I could tell was that every now and again another party-goer would get up to leave the room, or another would enter.   
A person slid down the wall next to me, and I barely recognised him as the guy who had slipped the tab of LSD soaked paper onto my tongue earlier in the night. Another breathy laugh sounded from my mouth as I grabbed the front of his black shirt and climbed into his lap. The pretty brunet’s cheeks dimpled as he twisted his fingers into my ginger hair and pulled my mouth to his. The kiss was heated and rough, and yet – as the presence of anxiety made itself known in my gut – I felt nothing, but panic and repugnance.  
The guy was moaning loudly, and putting far too much tongue into the kiss, which caused me to pull away with disgust. The room suddenly felt much too small, or maybe I too big, and the clothes covering my body suddenly felt as if they were strangling me. Large gulps of air were quickly being dragged into my lungs while I pulled the guy’s arms from around me, and stood up, grabbing my backpack, and ignored his questioning of ‘what’s wrong?’

My heart was beating hard and fast in my chest; seemingly trying to match the rhythm of the EDM that I was now aware was blasting through the house. I shoved my way through the sweaty dancing bodies that seemed to be everywhere, letting out a cry of distress as my trip began to sour.   
After what felt like forever, I managed to throw myself through a door and out into the frigid street; falling to my knees on the cold alley ground. My body shook manically as I watched the bricks on the building’s wall melting together, and the pavement bubble around me. I held my backpack tight to my back and ran out into the street, narrowly avoiding being cleaned up by a car, and kept running until I came to a stop under a tree in a small park down the road.

I leant against the tree trunk, shivering, and staring into space. My trip had well and truly become a bad one, and I shrank into myself as disembodied faces flew towards me, screaming gibberish, and disintegrating after a few moments. Spiders crawled over my bare legs, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t shake them off. It was when I saw a black humanoid shadow fly down from the night sky and hover above the illuminated lamp posts – staring at me with its soulless, glowing eyes – that I squeezed my own eyes shut and fell backwards, praying for slumber to take me. The dreams that followed my loss of consciousness were something that I’ve never experienced before, sober or not. My eyes were anchored shut, almost as if a hand was placed over my brow; and my body was warm, like I’d been wrapped up in a large, fluffy duvet. It was anything but comfortable though with wind howling by me and lashing my skin, and my stomach swaying nauseatingly the way it would if I were on a rollercoaster. This trip needed to end.


	2. Chapter 2

As I awoke, the first thing that I was aware of was how stiff and sore my body was. My legs were once again prickled with goosebumps, and I slowly curled into a ball, shielding myself from the morning breeze. My head was fuzzy, and I kept my eyes closed while I tried to remember what had happened last night. I remember dropping acid, and then the rest of the night was just one big blur. I stretched again, noting this time that whatever I was resting upon scratched the skin of my legs painfully.  
“Ugh, what the fuck?” I groaned, opening my eyes and immediately shielding them from the morning light. It quickly became apparent that what I was lying on happened to be a pile of palm tree branches. I took a deep breath, and frowned at the familiar scent of salt-water assaulting my nose. Palm trees? Beaches? Last I checked, there were neither of those thing near where I was in San Diego yesterday.  
I slowly sat up, looking around at my surroundings with immense confusion. I was laying in the edge of a jungle, just shy of touching the golden sand of a beach shore. The pale blue ocean was completely devoid of any waves – in fact, if it weren’t for the fact that I could see the rippling in the surface from the slight breeze – I would believe that I was staring at a sheet of glass.  
I shuffled back to lean against the trunk of the palm tree, as I struggled to try and remember how I’d come to end up here in the first place. Had my friends dumped me here, thinking it would be some sort of hilarious prank? Did I get really fucked up and hitchhike here? Or boat-hike? Is that a thing?  
My fingers ran through my hair quickly and I let out a breath of frustration. “Hair of the dog, I guess.” I muttered, unzipping my backpack and roughly pulling out my bong. I kept an ear out for any noises while I packed and filled the bong with water from the Dasani bottle in my bag. Relief flooded through me as I lit the weed and its delicious smoke filled my lungs. My thoughts immediately started to slow, following my heartbeat, and I leant back further, enjoying the view.  
A cloud of smoke left my lips and clouded into the air while I rifled through my hoodie pockets, grinning as I found my phone. However my moment of anticipation was quickly dampened when it was completely bare of any service bars.  
“Shit.” I managed. It was either stay seated and wait for someone to come and find me, or go take a look around and see if I could work out where the fuck I was. While the former was probably smarter, I opted for the latter.

I took a while to finish smoking my bong in peace, before emptying it and packing it away in my backpack. My legs ached when I stood, screaming at me to sit back down, but I persisted; hiking my bag on and walking down onto the silky sand.  
“Hello?” I called out. Jeez, talk about cliché; if this were a horror movie, this would be the moment that I would be axe murdered from behind. I did a quick 360 just to be sure – thanks, paranoia – but as I expected, the beach was empty. That was until I heard a small, melodic ‘hello,’ in the distance. My brows furrowed as I turned frantically, convinced that I was still hallucinating after not seeing anything, until my eyes fell on the head of a little girl, no older than three or four, bobbing in the ocean.  
“What the?” I looked around, expecting to see an adult with her in the water; the panic further setting in when there was no one else in sight. “Fuck! Fuck, shit! Hey!” I ran as fast as I could to the water’s edge, pulling at my hair in stress as the water licked at the toe of my shoes. “Hey! You shouldn’t be in there! There might be rips! You could drown!” I paced quickly along the edge of the water. If I knew how to swim I wouldn’t hesitate to dive in and grab her.  
She laughed, the sound was soft and songful. “Why don’t you come in?” She asked with a large toothy grin.  
“Because I don’t have a death wish!” I yelled back, “Now get out of the water.” She giggled again, covering her mouth with one hand and pointing behind me with the other. I didn’t even have a chance to turn before something smashed into the side of my skull, sending me crashing to the wet sand. I felt warm liquid pooling in my hair, and through the ringing in my ears I could hear the muffled sound of laughter and cheering. The last thing that I saw before unconsciousness took me away was the little girl diving down into the water and a small pearl coloured tail kicking water into the air in its wake.

 

“Ugh.” I groaned loudly. “Ugh, oh my God. What the fuck?” I held a hand to my head to try and quell the pounding pain. My head was a mess, I couldn’t think straight. Was I on a beach? Was that all a hallucination? Was I still in San Diego? Another loud groan escaped me as my brain did flips.  
“Good, you’re awake.” A dry, monotone voice observed. “Get up.”  
“What?” I moaned, opening my eyes and squinting against the sunlight to look at the person standing over me – well, to be more precise, the people standing over me. They looked to be a group of young boys. “Who the fuck are you?” I yelled, still holding my head, but managing to scramble to my feet.  
There was a small amount of laughter within the group before the leader, a tall blond boy with a scar across his face, spoke up again. “We’re the Lost Boys.” He drawled, gesturing to the rowdy group of youths with a smirk.  
I frowned, managing a small sarcastic bark of laughter, despite the pain I was experiencing. “Lost Boys? As in the vampire Lost Boys? Is that what this is, some kind of out of control LARP-ing group? Sorry, but that’s pretty nerdy.”  
His smirk widened. “No, as in the Lost Boys of Neverland.” The club in his hands waved around as he gestured animatedly to the jungle we were in.  
Despite what was obviously in my best interests, I bent over in hysterical laughter, clutching my skull simultaneously. “Oh my God! That’s even worse! Seriously, I think you may have reached a new level of nerdom there.” I looked up at the serious expression on his face and lost it again. “And I suppose you’re Peter Pan.” I mocked him.  
“No, actually, that would be me.” I heard an arrogant British voice state from behind me. I whipped around quickly, all traces of my laughter suddenly gone. A tall – slightly gangly boy stood perched on a fallen tree trunk, smirking down at me with an impish grin. “Welcome to Neverland.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you're enjoying this story so far. This is my first time posting on AO3, and I hope I'm doing everything okay. I thought that people may like to know that the face claim for Bea is the gorgeous Lena Dunaeva - so please feel free to look her up if you would like an idea of what Bea looks like. :)  
> Much love!


	3. Chapter 3

I frowned heavily as the young boys around me began to yip and cheer at the new arrival. Oh God, surely they couldn’t think that this was real, right? I was somewhat trained in medicine, but nowhere in the realms of Psychology.  
I watched on as the boy jumped gracefully off the fallen wood and onto the ground before us; the smirk staying put on his lips as he strutted towards me. Before I could even think of reacting his hand took hold of my freckled chin as he observed my face. Weird.  
“Well, you seem a little old to be here.” He scrutinized. “Tell me, lass: how old are you?” His voice was smooth like honey. It disgusted me.  
I pulled away from him roughly, much to his amusement. “How old am I? How old are you?” I forced a smirk to rival his. This kid couldn’t have been any older than seventeen. His dirty-blond hair and button nose definitely belonged to that of a teen. “Do mommy and daddy know that you’re playing out here alone?” This sarcastic question received a cruel bark of laughter in response.  
“Oh, but I’m not alone – far from it actually.” His weedy arms gestured to the boys standing around us. “I have my Lost Boys with me, as you can see.” Some more cheers reached my ears. “You – on the other hand – you really are alone, aren’t you?” I snorted, but he slowly began to circle me, like a shark would its prey. “Little girl all alone, and far from home. I’d say you seem pretty lost to me.” He said whimsically, his grin growing wider. He stopped his circling and leaned in until his lips almost touched my ear – much to my discomfort – and whispered, “Do mummy and daddy know that you’re playing on my island all alone?”  
I stepped back, crossing my arms over my chest and frowning at him. I wanted to laugh at him, and the rest of the delusional boys, but something about him made me hold my tongue. This boy – Peter Pan, as he thought himself to be – looked like your average overly-cocky teenager, but something was different about him, something dangerous that made the back of my neck prickle – something dangerous that made me want to challenge him.  
“Alright, Peter Pan,” My lips curled back into a sharp smirk, “I’ll play your little game.” This served to amuse him further, as a single sandy-brown brow lifted towards his hairline. “If this is really is Neverland – as you seem to be so intent on believing – then why am I here? Last I checked, I’m very much female; and as you said yourself, I’m hardly a child. What’s your answer to that, oh great boy leader?” I asked mockingly.  
Air escaped the boy’s nose in a crude imitation of laughter. “As I’m quite sure you can imagine, mistakes can often be made.” His hand reached down to his belt to unsheathe a small dagger, which he began to twirl about his palms; no doubt an intimidation technique. I stood my ground, the smirk still resting on my lips. “In the case of girls that are brought to my island, I send them home. In the case of adults that are brought to my island,” His blue eyes flickered from the dagger to me, “I kill them.” My breath caught in my throat at the words, something he didn’t miss. “But, I’ve never had any lost girls brought to me; and you, girl, are most definitely lost.” He raised a hand to his chin, as if in thought before nodding, “You know, I think I’ll keep you.”  
My jaw clenched hard. “Whatever.” I said, struggling to keep the forced grin on my face from turning into a grimace. “As much fun as I’ve had indulging you in your little fantasy, I’m getting bored, and this is getting weird. If you don’t mind, I’ve actually got a life to get back to,” I stepped into his front, glaring into his humoured eyes, “so give me my shit back, and I’ll be on my merry way.” A roar of laughter was the last thing that I’d expected from the quietened group of boys, but it was what invaded my ears, much to my discontent.  
Pan’s eyebrow rose again, and his smirk turned toothy, revealing his slightly crooked set of teeth. “Oh, I don’t think so, lass. Felix,” I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder, “take her to the ‘special guest’ quarters.” I didn’t like the sound of that. He turned his attention back to me. “Your belongings will be returned when you’ve decided that you can behave.” He slid his dagger back into its sheathe.

It was at that point that my composure broke. I threw the hand off my shoulder and turned to face ‘Felix’, shoving my (somewhat flat) chest into his and squaring him up. Glaring up into his eyes, I let out a feral snarl. “You put your fucking hand on me again and I’ll lop it off.” I growled, shoving him back. Laughter and shouts erupted from the excited boys when Felix stepped up again, brandishing his wooden club that I could now see wore blood on its side, which I could only guess was from my head. I knew how easy it could be to take him down with one quick kick to the testicles, but I don’t believe in that, that’s dirty fighting. Instead, I opted to ball my hand into a fist and drive it upwards under his chin. He stumbled back, momentarily stunned, and I took the opportunity to turn back to Pan, sneering at his laughter.  
“You’re all deluded.” I yelled at the group before I stepped up to him. “Why don’t you just grow up.”  
The smile instantly fell from his face, replaced by barely concealed anger. “Congratulations. You just learned to swear on Neverland.” A victory for me. He closed the gap between us and quickly raised his hand to cover my eyes. “Now, sleep.” Before I could even move my hand to rip his hand away from me, my muscles gave way, and I fell into nothing.

 

The third time I woke, it was night. I had been brought back to the realm of consciousness by a small annoyingly persistent lightning bug landing on my nose. As I moved to swat it away, the hard surface that I was laying on began to swing precariously. A loud gasp slipped past my lips and I flinched as I sat up slowly, looking around at my surroundings. The sight of dark jungle barely lit by a far off campfire brought the memories flooding back, chasing a loud groan. It took only moments for me to realise that my resting place was actually a primitive cage, hanging high in the trees by only shoddy-looking rope. The thought made me shiver. Twin snickers reached my ears, and I leaned over slightly to see two cloaked boys looking back at me with filthy faces and feral grins.  
“Go and let Pan know that his Lost Girl has woken.” The taller boy told the other, gesturing towards the campfire with his archaic spear. My eyes rolled, they’re still on about that?  
“No need, Mathias.” I whipped around faster than I thought possible, causing the cage to sway nauseatingly. Pan’s smirking face looked at me through the cage bars. “Go join the festivities, boys.” He told them without looking away from me, and I heard them scurry towards the camp-fire clearing. My eyes didn’t follow them, however; they were too busy widening as I watched Pan recline smugly in mid-air. He laughed as I leaned forward, putting my arm through the wooden bars and waving it above him, checking for wires, or anything that could rationally explain what I was seeing.  
“What the-” Pan captured my wrist painfully, squeezing it with a strength that only further extenuated the falseness of the grin on his pink lips. Oh God, he’s flying. I realised looking down at the ground. I really am in Neverland, which means he really is-  
“I told you, girl. I’m Peter Pan. I can do whatever I wish in Neverland.” I said nothing but glared at him. He chuckled again, a cruel imitation of an innocent boy’s laugh, and unfurled my fist, gently running his fingertips along the lines of my palm. “I have to say, it’s quite rude for you to know my name, and I not know yours.” He muttered, looking up at me from under his dark lashes.  
I offered him my own smirk in return. “Did I not tell you? My name is Go Fuck Yourself.” I said in a flat voice.  
His head dropped limply, and his shoulders shook with silent laughter. “Wrong answer, lass.” Quicker than the blink of an eye, he’d ripped the dagger from its sheath at his waist and was holding the tip against the skin of my palm. “I’ll ask again. What’s your name?”  
The smirk stayed on my lips, but it had become forced. I knew better than to show fear or pain to a tyrant. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have lied, my name’s actually Peter Pan.” Goosebumps rose to my skin when he dug the blade into my skin and sliced the skin in two. The pain was incredible, and my body begged for me to scream, and swear, and rip my hand away; but the only visible evidence that showed my pain was my breathing deepening.  
Pan’s eyebrow rose in surprise, (anyone’s guess to how genuine the surprise was,) and he let go of my hand. I made a show of defiance by leaving it where it was outside of the bars instead of pulling it back to me, letting the blood drip to the ground below while I stared down the boy.  
“Yes. Keep that ferocity.” He smirked, bringing the dagger to his lips and running his tongue along it, coating the appendage in red. I scowled in disgust. “It’ll make it all the more fun to break you.” I spat at his face through the bars, and he laughed before using the pad of his thumb to wipe the spot of spittle from his cheek. “Good night, Beatrice.” He whispered, much to my concealed horror, before descending to the ground and walking away.


	4. Chapter 3

Time most definitely moved differently in Neverland. I had come to this conclusion after sitting in the suspended cage for well over 72 hours, yet the sun never rose or set, it simply stayed in a constant state of night the entire time. The only way that I was able to marker a time of day was when the crowing and cheering stopped, and the harrowing sound of children sobbing began. That was the hardest time for me. As if I didn’t already feel like I was losing my mind, the horrific sound seemed to surround me; no matter how much I covered my ears, it just seemed to echo throughout the jungle, and straight through my clammy palms. At times I wanted to thrash and scream, but I didn’t, I just stayed perfectly still and focused on keeping my breathing steady until the crying stopped, and the yelling and cheering returned.  
It was a new kind of torture, being in the cage – completely alone, completely sober, and left to my own thoughts. During this period of time, many different boys had come to change over the task of guarding my cage hourly, but no Pan, never Pan. 

My stomach growled loudly, and sharp, sickly pains stabbed at my abdomen. I hadn’t eaten in days, and had drunk the absolute bare minimum. My wrapped palm was still stinging like crazy, making me worry that it may get infected; I’m sure there’s more than enough tropical diseases to ensure that. My throat was aching from swallowing down the lump that kept reappearing when I thought about my mom. Although I knew that she wouldn’t miss me, and that she was better off without me; that didn’t stop me from missing her. I had been angry at her – at myself – for so long, and now faced with the possibility of never seeing her again, all I wanted to do was run into her arms and stay there forever. I swallowed dryly at the thought. Would she even know that I was missing? I hadn’t contacted her in such a long time that in reality, she wouldn’t have any way of knowing if I was even safe, or dead in a ditch somewhere.

I listened to the hushed chattering of the boys below me for a little while, but quickly grew frustrated that I couldn’t understand their words over the noise that the other Lost Boys were making back at their camp. Stupid kids.  
I cleared my throat roughly. “Oi,” I called to them, “would you mind speaking up, or telling the other boy scouts to shut the fuck up?” I rolled over slightly to look down at them.  
“Hey. Shut up!” One of the boys called back from beneath me, his voice breaking slightly with the volume. I could hear the boy next to him whisper something along the lines of: ‘we’re not supposed to talk to her, Devin.’ And I grinned.  
“Yeah, Devin. You’d better listen to your almighty leader. God forbid you actually thought for yourself.” At this point I’d rolled over and was now directly smirking down at him.  
“I think for myself all the time!” He squawked back, and I fought back the urge to roll my eyes. Yeah, great comeback there.  
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you do. Is that before or after you’re done kissing Pan’s ass?”   
He let out a loud, frustrated growl, and in a blink he’d retrieved an arrow from his quiver and had it pulled tight it his bow directed straight at me. “Say one more thing and this is going right between your eyes.” The boy next to him looked like he was having a minor stroke.  
I’ll call his bluff. “Then sack up and do it, tough guy.” I called down to him.  
Devin hesitated for a millisecond before I saw his hand twitch slightly to the left and he let go of the arrow. It soared through the air at blinding speed and buried into the wooden bar just centimetres from my face. I’ll admit that for a moment, my heart jumped into my throat, but I quickly masked my face with a smirk.  
“Looks like you missed.” I grinned, yanking the arrow from the wood and pulling it into the cage with me. I’m no idiot – Devin could have killed me in a second if he wanted to, but he didn’t; which means that Pan wants me alive, which also means that I’m safe for now.  
“I won’t miss twice; so shut up.” He yelled at the cage in which I had retreated to. I’d gotten what I wanted. The arrowhead gleamed brightly when it caught the light of the moon, and I turned it on its side to run my finger over the edge. It was sharp – just what I needed. My eyes squinted as I looked above the cage. What I had initially thought to be one rope holding the cage was actually split into four at the end, holding onto each corner of the box. That wasn’t going to work, Pan or the Lost Boys would be all over it by the time I’d cut the rope from one corner.  
I looked around quickly, my hand rubbing at my forehead incessantly. It was so much harder to think when your stomach was screaming at you for nourishment. I was on the verge of groaning loudly in defeat when I spied the other part of the rope that was pitched to the ground. It was quiet cleverly slung over a tree branch to create a sort of primal pulley system – much to my advantage. Now all I needed was a distraction.  
My hands slapped the pockets of my hoodie and my shorts anxiously, hoping to find something, with no avail. I ran my hands down my face in frustration, the only time I didn’t have spare change or car keys or something in my pockets. Fucking Murphy’s Law. Wait! I slipped my shoe off, my heart pounding with relief when a bunch of quarters spilled out onto the blanket – my emergency bus far. High five, past me.

I waited a few minutes until the noise from the camp had quelled, and the boys had stopped chattering, before taking the change in my hand and throwing it as hard as I could into the jungle. Thankfully the impact made enough of a sound for the two boys’ heads to whip in that direction.  
“What was that?” Devin whispered hastily.  
“I don’t know? Should we go check it out?” The other asked in reply.  
“I’ll go, you stay with the girl.” My chest seized at his words. Fuck, I didn’t think of that possibility.  
“As if. I want to come too. Besides, where’s she going to go?” He asked with a laugh, sparing a quick glance up to the cage. “I think she’s asleep, anyway.”  
Devin let out a breath of annoyance. “Alright then, come on.” And just like that, they were gone.  
I got to work immediately, putting the arrow between my teeth and lying on my back, using my legs to swing the cage. It took a lot more effort than I would have expected, but after a few minutes I was close enough to the rope to reach through the bars and grab it. I grunted loudly when my palms closed around the slightly frayed rope, the weight to hold myself up with the cage was incredible, but I quickly took the arrow from between my teeth and began to saw at it.  
“Fuck.” I whispered out to myself as the rope began to come apart piece by piece. When there was but one thread holding it together, I let go and instead held onto the roof of the cage, holding back a scream as the thread snapped and the cage hurdled to the ground. Thankfully the impact didn’t reach my legs as I clung to the cage ceiling like some kind of demented monkey, but the bottom of the cage had snapped and obliterated, allowing me to crawl out.

I allowed myself just a split second to rejoice before sprinting off into the opposite direction of the jungle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far!  
> Please, if you like this story, it would really mean a lot if you left me a review. Any feedback, negative or positive, would be greatly appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading, everyone; and I hope you have an awesome day/night.


End file.
